I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
