How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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