We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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