Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
