mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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