Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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