Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
