Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
