Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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