saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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