She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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