We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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