You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
