Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
