I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
