Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
