You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
