you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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