the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
