he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
