We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
