I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
