Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
