My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
