4 words: hood of his car
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
