I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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