My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know her cup size but not her name....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
