first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
