Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
