the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
