i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
