he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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