I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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