we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
