They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
