he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who died my cat blue again?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
