I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I won the penis lottery.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
