allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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