dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Less talking, more tequila
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
