We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
