oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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