we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
