His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
