I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
