Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
