You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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