don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
