I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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