I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
