the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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